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Writer's pictureChristian Pan

Paint-F*ck

Secret Self Books (2023)


In a small town somewhere in Texas, a pastor is found dead inside his modest church, naked and spread-eagled. His corpse lies on a canvas covered in the victim´s blood, various colors of paint, and sexual bodily fluids. Who killed him, and why? What unusual circumstances led to his death?


In The Simple Art of Lust, which won this year´s Passionate Plume in Erotic Fiction, author Mandy Valentine crafts a succinct tale that blends mystery, humor, and sensuality. The pastor´s sister, Macey, has hired Laci Kicklighter and her associates of the Secret Sins detective agency to get to the truth, and to preserve the reputation of the deceased. Easier said than done: we quickly learn that the victim fancied himself as a practitioner of "Bacchanalian Christianity", and would invite others to his church after dark to have sex on the altar. This was how he worshipped, his means of synthesizing the spiritual with the carnal. And apparently, a number of people knew about these proclivities, not just his sibling. Soon, Laci discovers that his last night on earth was spent in the intimate company of with local performance artist Hedy Kuntsler, making one of. her "Artrotica" pieces together. An extension of the Antropometry works created by nude female models covered in blue paint by Yves Klein, Hedy arranges to have herself and one other cover themselves in various colors of paint before enjoying sex on a large canvas. Her Artrotica piece is "finished" after both she and the other model/client achieve orgasm, squirting and gushing their fluids onto the canvas to give it a unique kind of signature.


Valentine briskly guides readers through the case, a fun mystery that contains a couple of delightful twists and turns that I won´t give away here. Macey is convinced of the killer`s identity early on in The Simple Art of Lust, but Laci works diligently to determine if this is true, as well as uncover the motivation for the murder. Another dimension to the case is what role, if any, does Kunstler´s canvas play in the killing. Is this Artrotica piece evidence, or a "smoking gun"?


During her quest to solving the case, Kicklighter also makes time to flirt with Kuntsler, imagines trying out this Artrotica experiment with her husband, or even accepting Hedy´s invitation to make one with her. Plus, through her smart spunky assistant Capri (whom Laci also shares a teasing back and forth), Valentine educates her investigator as well as the reader about performance art, and also about Oscar Wilde´s Picture of Dorian Gray, all without losing the titillating momentum of her tale. The Simple Art of Lust is delightful and quick read, and will certainly hook many readers wanting to solve intriguing puzzles while also arousing their erotic imagination.

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